Try reading this short list of "10 Things We Can Learn From Japan" and get inspired by the way they're overcoming this terrifying and tragic natural disaster. Then simply try to honor them by applying the lessons they are teaching to your life.
But before you do, ask yourself one simple question.
When your day goes to hell in a hand basket, could you check all 10 items off your list?
(See my comments under each one with what I'm hoping you get out of this email today.)
1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.
*How do you weather the storms in your life? Do you drag everyone down to the bottom of the pool as you drown, to make yourself feel better?
2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.
*How do you get what you need from those you love when you are starving for attention or feel rejected? Is what you want to get what you give?
3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn't fall.
*How strong are your relationships? Are you someone your loved ones can trust? Or are you only as good as your last rainstorm?
4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.
*Are you so focused on mistakes made in the past or worried about what might happen tomorrow you miss out on the joy of the day?
5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.
*How tight do you hold on? How far do you push your loved ones to "prove" to you their love for you?
6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump seawater in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?
*Are you selfless in your relationships or are you a horse trader only giving back exactly what you're getting?
7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.
*Given the opportunity to get the upper hand, do you take it? Do you value the relationship over being right?
8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.
*Do you know what to do when things aren't going your way? Are you emotionally fit to handle the hard times and grow despite the challenges? What example do you set for those around you?
9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.
*Does the world know your business? Is a fall from grace with you a public affair? Why?
10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.
*When someone you love is vulnerable, do you press your advantage to "win" so you can have what you want?
The Japanese people have humbled me with their awe-inspiring acts of everyday kindness, summing up better than I ever could, EXACTLY where I hope you'll be in your life at the end of our short journey together.
Lori R Taylor PickTheBrain
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Love Traps 101
People tend to relate to one or more of these 18 schemas. Which schema or schemas sound familiar to you?
Abandonment
People who cling to others because they're afraid of being left and don't feel important relationships will last. They're usually attracted to partners who cannot be there in a committed way.
Emotional Deprivation
Most of the time, these patients haven't had someone to nurture them, to care deeply about everything that happens to them or someone who was tuned in to their true feelings and needs.
Entitlement
Those who hate to be constrained or kept from doing what they want or feel that they shouldn't have to follow the normal rules and conventions other people do.
Defectiveness
People who think they're unworthy of the love, attention, and respect of others and believe that no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to get a significant partner to respect them or feel they are worthwhile.
Subjugation
In relationships, these people let the other person have the upper hand and worry a lot about pleasing other people so they won't be rejected.
Unrelenting Standards
People who must be the best at most of what they do and feel there is constant pressure to achieve and get things done. Their relationships suffer because they push themselves so hard.
Mistrust/Abuse
Those who feel that they cannot let their guard down in the presence of other people, or else that person will intentionally hurt them. If someone acts nicely toward them, they assume that he/she must be after something.
Self-Sacrifice
People who puts others' needs before their own, or else they feel guilty, and usually end up taking care of the people they're close to.
Social Isolation
Individuals who don't think that they relate well to other people and/or feel that they don't fit in with any sort of group.
Dependence
People who often feel helpless or aren't capable of making a decision without the aid of another person.
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Hypochondriacs and/or those who consistently fear that they will be involved in a catastrophe like an airplane crash or hurricane.
Enmeshment
Young's patients who have a weak sense of personal identity and habitually cling to or "mesh" with other people do so in order to feel like a complete person.
Failure
Someone who believes they will never succeed or that they're not as bright or talented as the people around them.
Insufficient Self-Control
Those who lack self-discipline and want to quit a task at the first sign of frustration or failure. (People with milder forms of this schema will give up personal satisfaction or fulfillment in order to avoid conflict or confrontation; could be described as a slacker.)
Approval Seeking
Individuals can place an extreme importance on other people's opinions and sometimes put a high level of significance on appearance and social status as a means to get attention.
Negativity
Someone who focuses on the worst parts of life (disappointments, missteps, and embarrassing moments) and might have inflated fears that they will make a mistake that will result in a personal crisis, like financial ruin.
Inhibition
People who are afraid to show emotion or, for that matter, initiate conversation—might be described as wallflowers.
Punitiveness
Those that believe even the smallest mistake deserves punishment. Usually hold themselves—and others—to very high expectations; find it hard to empathize or forgive mistakes, their own and those of others.
Take the Quiz - What's Your Schema?
Read more
Abandonment
People who cling to others because they're afraid of being left and don't feel important relationships will last. They're usually attracted to partners who cannot be there in a committed way.
Emotional Deprivation
Most of the time, these patients haven't had someone to nurture them, to care deeply about everything that happens to them or someone who was tuned in to their true feelings and needs.
Entitlement
Those who hate to be constrained or kept from doing what they want or feel that they shouldn't have to follow the normal rules and conventions other people do.
Defectiveness
People who think they're unworthy of the love, attention, and respect of others and believe that no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to get a significant partner to respect them or feel they are worthwhile.
Subjugation
In relationships, these people let the other person have the upper hand and worry a lot about pleasing other people so they won't be rejected.
Unrelenting Standards
People who must be the best at most of what they do and feel there is constant pressure to achieve and get things done. Their relationships suffer because they push themselves so hard.
Mistrust/Abuse
Those who feel that they cannot let their guard down in the presence of other people, or else that person will intentionally hurt them. If someone acts nicely toward them, they assume that he/she must be after something.
Self-Sacrifice
People who puts others' needs before their own, or else they feel guilty, and usually end up taking care of the people they're close to.
Social Isolation
Individuals who don't think that they relate well to other people and/or feel that they don't fit in with any sort of group.
Dependence
People who often feel helpless or aren't capable of making a decision without the aid of another person.
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Hypochondriacs and/or those who consistently fear that they will be involved in a catastrophe like an airplane crash or hurricane.
Enmeshment
Young's patients who have a weak sense of personal identity and habitually cling to or "mesh" with other people do so in order to feel like a complete person.
Failure
Someone who believes they will never succeed or that they're not as bright or talented as the people around them.
Insufficient Self-Control
Those who lack self-discipline and want to quit a task at the first sign of frustration or failure. (People with milder forms of this schema will give up personal satisfaction or fulfillment in order to avoid conflict or confrontation; could be described as a slacker.)
Approval Seeking
Individuals can place an extreme importance on other people's opinions and sometimes put a high level of significance on appearance and social status as a means to get attention.
Negativity
Someone who focuses on the worst parts of life (disappointments, missteps, and embarrassing moments) and might have inflated fears that they will make a mistake that will result in a personal crisis, like financial ruin.
Inhibition
People who are afraid to show emotion or, for that matter, initiate conversation—might be described as wallflowers.
Punitiveness
Those that believe even the smallest mistake deserves punishment. Usually hold themselves—and others—to very high expectations; find it hard to empathize or forgive mistakes, their own and those of others.
Take the Quiz - What's Your Schema?
Read more
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